Doing it all, all hours of the day.
My last post was April 3. Today is June 9. For two months and six days, I have been pretty quiet, present only minimally on social media. I didn’t even do a Geography of Travel post, a series that I declared I would continue doing even though I feel like they aren’t interesting to anyone but me.
The main reason for the radio silence all boils down to BURN OUT. I have been going hard with AmeriCorps taking up more than the allotted 40 hours a week that I got paid for. For years, this job consumed my personal time and disrupted my sleep. I would study my planner and to-do lists nightly. There were so many ladles in so many pots that I constantly felt like I was forgetting something. If I didn’t know what was happening at any given moment with every single project and person that I was managing, then obviously it would burn to a crisp. No time at all was allowed to truly reflect on and wrap up a completed project before the next ones became the main focus.
Every spare moment I had over the last year, I’ve invested into crafting my writing voice, learning my way around the blogging industry, absorbing information and advice from all the sources I could find, and carefully trying to build this blog.
Plus, I traveled an incredible amount over the last year. Martha’s Vineyard, Nantucket, Boston, Salem, all over Cape Cod. Connecticut, Texas, Illinois, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Florida, California. Belize and Mexico. Somewhere new or different every single month for an entire year.
All this travel was my way of taking care of myself in the midst of doing it all. For a long time, I loved every minute of it. Every. Single. Exhausted. Moment.
But changes are coming.
I had the drive and stamina to do all of this and beyond if you can believe it. Then all of a sudden I didn’t. Something had changed. A number of things changed, actually. I needed to move and find an affordable place to live at the cusp of summertime on Cape Cod. Then I quit my job. I’m going to wait tables for the summer instead. And finally, I decided to move to New Zealand in 2017. All of these ideas and changes brewed and grew steadily since I returned from my trip to California in mid-March and came to a head just last month.
I slammed into a brick wall. Figuratively, of course, but I feel like the little birdies swirling and whistling in circles around my head stuck around for a long time. I feel like I’ve been laying on the ground by that brick wall slowly gathering myself for the last couple of months. I’m more nervous and a little less comfortable than I was in my cushy salaried job, but I think what I’m feeling is the anticipation of all the great experiences ahead of me rather than the dread of being stuck.
Change is difficult and tumultuous. It’s also refreshing as hell. I look forward to sharing more about these changes I’ve already made and those on their way. I’ll be redirecting and fine-tuning my focus and my writing, and hopefully, be doing a lot more of it. I have a number of projects and posts in the works and on the back burner as well. My summer is filled with goals big and small to conquer and to-do lists to complete. All in a good way, though. I know that I can’t do it all at once, but I can do one thing at a time until it’s all complete.
Have you experienced burn out? Share your story in the comments below!
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